Next Steps
by Bleuwolf521
Summary: What happens after Casino Night.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Notes: I haven't written anything in about 10 yearsbut this story just wouldn't go away, so with pen to paper, this is what came out. Would love some reviews. Am thinking about the next chapters so it would be wonderful to hear from this bunch of talented writers.

* * *

She lets out a small sigh. Another flight, another plane load of passengers, another day of serving drinks, passing out pillows and helping people fly the friendly skies.

She's been at this for almost 15 years and while the polish and shine of the job has worn off, She still amuses herself by selecting a few passengers and guessing where they are going and, most importantly, why. This game requires a lot of time which working in the main cabin doesn't always afford, but fortunately she's on first class duty today and the smaller group always makes things easier. She mentally ticks her regular flyers off the list of potential candidates and, as she can pick out a person who is travelling on business instantly, the field is narrowed considerably. It's time to take a look at the remaining few.

She starts with 1A & 1B, Window and aisle (she has long stopped thinking of passengers in terms of race, gender or sexuality. They are all seat numbers now). She takes mental notes as they get settled into their seats. She notes the extra casual clothing, that they already have the sound proof earphones out, and that they both have that world weary look about them that says they've been travelling for awhile and are ready to be finished with this flight, even before it takes off. She concludes that they are returning home from a long holiday.

Now on to 3C Aisle, the one with the gleam of excitement and nervousness in their eye. She observes the constant flipping through travel books and maps. She saw the brand new carryon when they lifted it up into the overhead. They are wearing brand new walking shoes and probably have brand new everything. This is a first timer, a new traveller flushed with the kind of excitement that only travelling to a new country and gaining that first passport stamp can bring. She knows that look well, she sees it every flight.

She finally rests her gaze on 4F, Window. Now this is an interesting one. She sees the constant changing expression. She noticed the checking for messages on the mobile before takeoff and the overall look of, something, relief maybe, once the plane was in flight. Her interest in piqued. She looks at her passenger list and sees they were a last minute upgrade to first. The gals at the gates must have taken pity as there wasn't a price adjustment to go with it nor an airline miles card. Yep, the gals on the front lines were ol' softies for a sad face and 4F fit the bill perfectly.

But it was more than sadness in that face. She saw a hundred different emotions run across those eyes all flight. What was not there was the signs of the shiny new excitement of the first time traveller nor was there the worn-weary look of someone heading home.

Catherine's mouth played with a sad smile, she had found her challenge.

* * *

An hour until landing and Cat feels the pieces on 4F falling into place. She watched as they sat with their eyes focused out the window, staring into the black night, searching for meaning in their actions. When she brought dinner, there was a small joke about a ham & cheese sandwich, but any pleasure in the joke was gone before they finished their sentence. For a drink, they wistfully asked for a coke as a small smile crept across their rather sullen features. She even thought she heard them whisper the word jinx when she handed it to them. In an instant, any signs of emotion were gone. It was as if they had stopped trying to feel anything.

They had welcomed the darkness when the lights where dimmed for the in-flight movie. She kept her eye on them though out the comedy, noting that they watched, but showed no reaction. Their eyes never seem to reach the small screen in front of them. It was times like this that Cat wished she had a different game to play.

Back in the galley, Barbara, who knows Cats' game very well, nudges her and asks for her "diagnosis" and she quietly gives it. 4F wasn't going somewhere, but running away from somewhere. And she's pretty sure there's a broken heart somewhere in the mix. She can practically see the memories flash through their eyes, and she's seen the fight to keep the tears away. Another glace around the corner to check and 4F is now leaning back in their seat with their eyes closed, trying to get a slip of sleep before stepping out to face a new reality. Barbara just smiles and shakes her head. "How do you do that?" Cat gives a small grin and simply says "experience".

Finally. The plane has landed and she's almost done for the night. Just get these people off her plane and she can go to her hotel and drop. Standing at the entrance she smiles at each of her first class passengers as they stand up to get their neatly stowed carryon luggage and head for the door. She wishes the business passengers a "wonderful stay", 3C a "wonderful holiday" and 1A & 1B a simple "welcome home". As 4F approaches, she thinks of what to say. "Have a nice holiday" just isn't going to cut it. So she stays with the basic.

"Welcome to Paris".

* * *

Sitting in the back of a taxi, she lets the streets of Paris consumer her. She hardly notices when the driver pulls up in front of the quaint St. George hotel and opens her door. She whispers a small "merci" and pays her fare.

15 minutes later she's sitting in her hotel room, leaning against the frame of the window that opens onto a small courtyard of the apartment building that is attached to the hotel. It's quiet and peaceful. The smiles and tears that have threatened to come full force the entire flight do just that. She closes her eyes as she just lets go. Laughter and sobs come at once as her actions finally catch up with her and she can't believe what she's done.

Pam Beasley has taken a page out of the Halpert Handbook and has gotten as far away from her wedding as she could.


	2. Chapter 2

He sat on the sofa, staring off into space. It's been weeks since her phone call. The one that said the wedding was off and that she needed time to figure things out. That she needed to find out what she wanted from her life and that she couldn't do that with him around.

So here he sat, thinking of her, him and what it all means. He hears the mail come through the door and he doesn't think he'd have the energy to walk over and deal with the bills and advertisements. Then again, he had nothing better to do at the moment.

He saw the pale purple envelope immediately and picked it up with shaky hands. It had his name written in her simple, elegant handwriting and the postmark was from her parents' town.

He walked back to the sofa, leaving the rest of the post on the entry hall floor. This letter was all that mattered.

He sat back down and laid the letter on the coffee table in front of him. He leans back and closes his eyes, his thoughts drifting back to their last conversation, to the last time he saw her face, the last time he touched her. Only one question recycled itself in his head, how did this happen?

* * *

Roy lets his mind drift back to that phone call, the one she made from her parents house. After years of pestering and bugging him to set a date, he does and then, weeks before the wedding she says she isn't ready. He was livid. He screamed and yelled more that night than at any sporting event he has ever attended. He's shameful of his behaviour now, but at the time, he didn't want to understand her reasoning, he didn't care about her feelings or any of it. He just wanted her to admit she was having an affair with Halpert and that's the true reason she was calling everything off. 

Looking back, he can't believe he'd accused her of such a thing, he knows her better than to think she would cheat on him. But he was angry and humiliated and just, reacted. She was surprisingly calm through all his ranting. He finally had to shut up just to be able to hear her speaking, slightly above a whisper. She had just let him run his mouth and get it out of his system. She knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

Once he had calmed down, she gave her reasons again and explained that she was leaving for awhile, she wasn't sure how long. She asked him to honestly think about their relationship and where it was heading because that is what she will be doing. She told him that she would consider staying with him if he could give an honest answer to why they should be together.

Since she hung up he's done nothing but think about their relationship. It's honestly the most time he's spent on it and he doesn't like what he's finding. He finally sees it for what it is; a relationship of convince and comfort. She had asked him think about what he would like to change in her and reluctantly, he did. He frowned as he thought about how he would change the woman he's spent 10 years with. He would change her so she would like sports, be by his side cheering for his favourite teams and would enjoy throwing a big super bowl bash every year. He would change her so she would enjoy being with his friends. In the past, he watched his friends and their girls just kick back at the bar and have fun, something he and Pam rarely did. Quietly, he thought he would change her so she would take an interest in his dreams, his life. He has thoughts about coaching a peewee football league or something and wished she would support him. Of course, he thinks, she can't support him on something she doesn't know about.

He looks back at who they were when they first met. She was quiet and painfully shy and he was the football star. They met when she had been assigned to help him with a project so he could pass art class. He chuckles thinking about his friends harassing him about taking the art class in the first place, but he thought it would be an easy 'A' and would help keep his GPA up so he could stay on the team. Football had been (and still is) his passion and he had big dreams that he would be drafted by the NFL and live the life of a professional player. He saw those dreams disappear when the NFL never called and the offers to play college ball never came in. He was disappointed but never showed it. That was how the cards lay and he didn't think anything would change them.

Over the last ten years, he realized that he pretty much has let his life just happen, only making changes when pushed by outside forces. He changed jobs to work at Dunder Mifflin only because the warehouse he was at before pushed through layoffs and, thankfully, Daryl had pretty much walked him in without much hassle.

Now he's been handed an opportunity to actually think about his life and maybe, just maybe, do something about it. He's been talking to Daryl a lot more. They've been hanging out at the house rather than going out to Poor Richards. He was surprised when Daryl didn't rib him about Pam leaving and when he kept the others in the warehouse from talking about it, at least while Roy was within earshot. Daryl had been rather philological about the whole thing, telling him that Pam was a brave woman. That it would better to end an engagement then to end a marriage. He talked about how hard it must have been for her to walk away from everybody's expectations and to maybe give the both of them a chance at happiness.

* * *

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, he reaches out and picks up the letter. He runs his finger underneath the flap and pulls the seal. He unfolds the paper and silently, slowly reads her words. 

Her words are his words. Everything he has thought over these past weeks comes out in her writing. He should be surprised, but he's not. She's more open and forthright than ever before. She's fluid and her letter is almost written in prose. By the end, she has given him her decision on their future. He smiles softly, lays the letter back down on the table, takes a deep breath and stands up. He grabs his coat and keys and heads out the door, walking lighter than he has in what seems like forever.

* * *

Daryl brings Roy home after a night of rowdy fun at Poor Richards. This is the happiest he's seen him since Pam left. He wanted to ask why the change, as it didn't seem like he was lashing out at anything, just having a good time with his friends. It was just good ol' Roy, and it was nice to see him back to his old self. Daryl knew that he was still hurting, but could tell that somehow, he had decided to move forward with his life, a life that didn't include Pam. 

After getting Roy to his room, Daryl went to the sofa to crash. He was exhausted and was too tired to drive home. He had spent a lot of time on this sofa the past few weeks and didn't mind being there for a friend.

As he sits down, he sees a letter, opened to the last page and the curiosity is just too strong.

"I will always love you Roy and I want nothing more than the best for you. Maybe I've been holding you back from your dreams. I certainly haven't spent time getting to know what it is you dream about and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for so many things. But I'm not sorry to say good-bye. I know I said I would wait for your answer, but I have a feeling we're going to reach the same conclusion.

Please know that somewhere out there is your partner, the woman who loves buffalo wings, getting drinks at the bar with all your friends and supporting you in all your future endeavours. I want that for you. I want you to have someone to share your life with, in full.

So, after you read this letter, I want you to get your keys, get in the truck and go be with your friends. I want you to get a pint of your favourite beer, and do a toast to who we were. I will never regret my life with you. I hope that you will share in that feeling.

Love, Pam"

He lays the letter face down on the table. He turns off the light and gets comfortable on sofa. He knows that Roy is going to be just fine.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still don't own anything related to "The Office", British or American.

Notes: Reviews are _very _appreciated!

* * *

From the moment she stepped off the plane Pam knew she had made the right decision. Getting away from Roy, the wedding and Scranton was the right thing to do. She needed to step away from the tornado of chaos that surrounded her, she needed a clear picture and she was just too close to see _anything_ clearly.

When she got to her hotel room she burst into tears & laughter. She cried for the loss of ten years and laughed that it was that loss that gave her freedom.

She spent her first few days wandering the streets of Paris thinking about Roy and struggling with why if felt like the right decision was to leave him, to end their life together. Stepping away from him caused her to feel herself coming back. The person she had started to become before she turned into Roy's girlfriend, then Roy's fiancé. Her mind would sometimes go to wild thoughts that at the end of her time away, she and Roy would be ok and get back together. Those crazy thoughts would randomly swirl in her head and she could do little to rationalize them away. She had ten years of history to wade through and part of her wanted to save it, to rescue her relationship, to try and fix it, but in the end, it took one small moment to see the future clearly.

It was the end of her second week in Paris and she had befriended the couple that ran a small café near her hotel, Patrick and Marie. They had taken it upon themselves to become her tour guides and enjoyed showing her the city they loved. It was at the end of a long day of site seeing, they had covered much of the city and her mind was still reeling from all the beauty and grandness she had discovered. That evening, as the three of them strolled along the river in quiet contentment, Pam had stopped to tie her shoe and when she looked up, there was Patrick and Marie, walking into the Paris sunset. He slipped his hand around hers and she leaned into him, completely in love with each other. Pam felt this, even being several feet away and in that moment, any doubts she had had about leaving Roy vanished. She knew that she and Roy were over, that while they loved each other, it just wasn't enough and that they both deserved to have more.

The only thing left was to figure out why. Why she and Roy didn't work anymore. She felt that sometimes she was seeking an answer to a question that she shouldn't ask. But she knew that if she was going to be able to more forward, she had to know what went wrong. A history teacher once said that in life, everything repeats itself and if people would just take the time to look at the past, they would see the patterns and possibly, change things to create a different future. She had forgotten about that teacher, but spending so much time in the past brings out misplaced memories. Things you forgot you knew, things you didn't want to remember.

She spent hours writing out everything she remembered, filling journal after journal with memories. It was harsh to see it all laid out; the good times, the mistakes, the paths not taken, all lightly carved into paper by the fine tip of the pen. She would read and re-read each entry, each page, each book, again and again until she found the patterns that repeated themselves. Her history. All the times she had let Roy make the choices about their life. All the times he made her laugh, cry, rage against him with anger and hold onto him with love. All the times he didn't know her favourite anything and all the times he surprised her with the perfect unexpected moment. She saw that while it would be easy to blame Roy for everything, she was just as much to blame for the demise. She was the one who let him talk her out of pursuing art. She had enabled him to be thoughtless by not demanding more. While he actually did all those things, said all those comments that hurt her, she never stepped up and said "enough". She let him end an argument by tickling her instead of talking things out and reaching a solution to what caused the fight in the first place.

The next thought delved into more dark corners. She was always hurt when Roy wouldn't know her dreams and desires, but then, what did she know if his? She lived on the assumption that he was happy with his life the way it was, but was she right? The more she thought about it, the more she realized just how wrong she was for him. He needed a spunky sports fan who would be thrilled at the idea of sitting in a cold stadium rooting for their favourite team. He deserved someone who would know what his favourite snack was, who knew exactly what to say to get him to smile, someone who encourage him to take a chance on something, sometime.

* * *

As she licked the glue on the envelope, she felt all the guilt, anger and frustration dissolve. She knew that she had chosen the right words for him, words that let him know she loved him and didn't regret their time together. Words to tell him she was sorry for all that she didn't do and yet, not sorry for bringing to an end, their future.

As she finished addressing an envelope to her parents, the one that asked them to forward the enclosed letter to Roy, her history came to an end. It was now time to think about her future and who was waiting for her just beyond the horizon.


End file.
